I’m just ranting on for a bit to line this out bear with me. But if your child wants to do something you say yes or no, and if questioned answer, not because I told you so or because I’m the mommy, but this is how we teach our children the difference between white and wrong. “Don’t eat that, you’ll get fat” as you stuff your third krispy kreme down your suck hole, is probably not teaching them anything other than your superiority through poor moral decisions or food choice, “because I’m the mommy” is only teaching your children to lie. Do parents have guilty pleasures, sure? but flaunting those parental exceptions causes resentment, disrespect, and sneaking behavior. If you don’t want them to do it, let them be honest about it. “Would you like to eat cake?” ” no, thank you i would not like to eat cake” is better and easier swallowed than “would you like to eat cake?” “i don’t feel good, i need to go home”
Why bother? just be upfront, teach your children to be up front. It’s hard for you and them early on because most other parents are concerned morevwith perception and acceptance than with moral fiber and the ability to read. (Monkey head had all but the last Harry Potter book read before 3rd grade, but her friends saw all the movies, that’s pretty much the same thing right?”
I also know how hard it is to be honest and still be “wrong”. When legend and I started dating I had been seeing another woman, we’ll call her “psycho” for short, anyway because we lived more than 3 hours apart, I worked full-time and went to school full-time, there was a lot of phone tag. Once I finally was able to get ahold of her, Legend was at my apartment, I told psycho I had met someone else and that I wished to discontinue or “relationship” (adult “relations” and dinner 3 times isn’t really a relationship, is it?) in order to see how Legend and I would work out. The first thing out of her mouth was, I was a liar, and I was making her (Legend) up, I told her I had far better things to do with my life than lie to her. I then proceeded to get a pretty good earful for being a liar and other colorful adjectives, to which all I could say was “look, I’m trying to be honest with you, if you don’t want to take that, that’s fine, but if you can’t handle my honesty that is on you, but she’s (legend) right here if you want to talk to her. that ended and I still feel that if I’m honest and outright, and respect you or anyone enough to tell you the truth, your reaction is your problem, not mine.
Listen I get the need for omission; ” is it bad?”, “no, no its ok we’ll be ok”. Beats the hell out of “HFS! Godzilla has a Uzi flamethrower and is coming through our front door” sometimes that little white lie is necessary. Do you crush your child’s belief of Santa Clause at three because they don’t clean their room? Do you continue on the tradition of Santa until they are 13-14 to share a tradition you hope to pass to your grandchildren? But where is the tolerance level set, now when they are young and are developing into the human they will be in the future, or later via a counselor in the youth home?
I don’t know it all, but I know what I learned and how I’ve had to re-learn better more productive ways to positively influence my children and life in a disciplined and productive manner that won’t make my kids into 5 o’clock news stories, I just believe the white lie will come eventually, why install it to early?
- Mommies Do Too Lie – J. Conrad Guest (secondwindpub.wordpress.com)
- The 10 Best Pieces of Parenting Advice (scarymommy.com)
- The Passing of Time Makes Me a Liar (myonepreciouslife.wordpress.com)