On “Transitioning” — Medium

On “Transitioning” — Medium.


Please read this, and try to understand though not my words, it is a real depiction of the difficulties I and my brothers and sisters have every time we come home.

We just want to live our life as best as we can, put that beast to sleep and lock him away; even though we love and miss him and what he did for us, the belief and strength from that beast can never be tamed.

If we are lucky he gets smaller over time allowing us, at least outwardly, to make that transition to “normal”, whatever the hell that is….


About to make some people mad…

…But that’s ok, that is why I blog, so I can vent without personally attacking anyone. I read the supposed quote from the awesome author and initially I think, “you know what she’s right, I have no right to judge anyone if they are “fat”, hell I’m fat from where I want to be”, but I still run a 9-10:30 minute mile and workout everyday. But also as I think truly if you are any of the other adjectives, being so won’t kill you unless one of your adjective recipients decides to do it as a result of your focused, cruelty, evil etc..

Now for my rant: This “I’m OK, you’re OK” crap that we are trying to sell the country into believing is exactly that, crap.

Yes what your choices are are your business, I am not one to ask you, tell you, or force you to change something about yourself because I think, heard, or believe that your choices are wrong, immoral, or illegal; You do you, I’ll do me.

But here are the facts of you or someone you love accepting that it is OK to be fat. I said fact, meaning I didn’t make this up, and would like to draw your attention to the last bullet point, my reference is below those points.

We as humans have a finite time here on earth, and unfortunately we make connections with other humans who love us, and look up to us and who we choose to bring into this existence. So you think about them, not yourself as you eat the entire box of Twinkies, because you earned it after buying a workout DVD.

We owe our loved ones to at least make an effort to prolong our time with them as long as we humanely can.

Key facts

  • Worldwide obesity has nearly doubled since 1980.
  • In 2008, more than 1.4 billion adults, 20 and older, were overweight. Of these over 200 million men and nearly 300 million women were obese.
  • 35% of adults aged 20 and over were overweight in 2008, and 11% were obese.
  • 65% of the world’s population live in countries where overweight and obesity kills more people than underweight.
  • More than 40 million children under the age of five were overweight in 2011.
  • Obesity is preventable.



Your chance at making a difference is now.

Is this an expose of America or the cultures represented? I don’t care! If you see something like this and take the chance to intervene the possibility exists that you save someone from an embarrassing and potentially painful life event as well as you may run the risk of being embarrassed for being caught on film doing the right thing or you may also run the risk of someone trying to throw you a beating; let them! If you are on the side of right, you have done your part. If someone sees the humanity in you and through your actions they may become empowered to do the same, maybe for you or someone else one day. If you want a better world for yourselves and your family YOU have to build it, politicians and pop stars could care less about your needs, safety and happiness.–j

Unanswered Prayers

if you know me, you know that behind this rugged exterior and years of deployments is a big squishy.

I set up at night when Legend is sleeping and revel in how lucky i am for who she is, who she has helped me to become, and that she apparently hasn’t sobered up enough in the past 12 years and realized what she got into.

I caught up with an old acquaintance this evening and got a run down of things I missed in their life since things didn’t work out between us. I don’t wish ill-will on very many people, and I never did/have towards her but I am thankful that my problems, as they are today, are mine.

As I grow older, I grow more and more comfortable in my skin and accepting of my past. Honestly some things in my past sucked; getting shot at, rocketed, mortared daily=sucked. getting a divorce=liberating, divorce debts=sucked, watching your kid grow up in pictures=SUCKED.

But I truly can’t say they were good or bad, they just were. I can’t repeat how happy and proud of my life and how it has become. dark days, an expensive divorce, worrisome children, severe physical  injuries; all to help me grow to where and who I am now. Legend made me better than I ever could have been alone, my experiences helped me grow into who I am. Thanks for unanswered prayers, there is always something greater than us and our drama running our lives.

Live hard, live loud, live life!!!

The synopses of my life.

” I don’t do faceless crime, I do bad things to bad people for a reason; I’m charitable, help the homeless and elderly. Replaceable or not, my karma bank should be good and This just proves that more people suck than my good can overturn”–JWHM 20 Jan 2014

This after finding out I had been a victim of bank card fraud and had 627 dollars of attempted stealing from my account, luckily for me, Bank of America denied the 400 and will replace the 227.

My whole point in this is simple. I spent many years living hard fast and dangerous, making bad decisions, and scoring more bad marks than Dennis the menace on Sunday, he did it with Mr Wilson and Ruff, I did it with tequila and a truck.

As I’ve gotten wiser, I have sold the truck, quit drinking tequila, and made amends to every single person I can find that I felt I had ever done wrong to. By the way, there are only maybe 3 more people on that list and they have all ghosted, so if you are one of them, let me know where you are because I am sorry for what I did and wish to make amends. Kind of a real life Earl, but no mustache.

I write to bring light to just one person in hopes of proving to them that all things aren’t as bad as they may seem.  To bring hope that there are others out there who listen, and think along the same lines as you, and honestly this venting of my apprehensions, anger, disappointing and uplifting thoughts, help me write better papers for school; No such thing we do is truer than that which is selfishly productive in nature.

I hope whoever bought 227 dollars of stuff at a Wal-Mart I’ve never been too, bought diapers, formula, blankets, sock,s and good organic food for their children to eat, or at least that’s what I’m going to tell myself they did with my “donation”.

Don’t lose faith people, if they do bad,you do good, and negate a negative somewhere for someone else.–j


It is a curse to be blessed…

I have been married twice, cursed and blessed in a life event.

I have two healthy children….they are girls, blessed  and cursed in a life event

i knew all my grandparents and 1 set of great grand parents, and my great-grand mother. They could all pick me from a crowd, i took something from each of them and through me they live on. My children barely knew them, blessed and cursed.

I still have contact with almost all my high school friends, not only through social media, but also with their real phone numbers and address’. Monkeyhead has never known a different school Legend has only had to move twice because of me, once in our first apartment and the last time, to the only house I believe we will ever live in.

I’ve been to war, many times, and I’ve come back many times, with all my limbs and most of my sanity, some can’t remember when they had any of those things.

A dear friend is dealing with cancer, and I wanted to write a list for her:1. You’ll look hot bald. 2. fuck cancer!  3. Think of all the scarves! you know the best one’s come in cashmere. 4.When you win we get to have a big party and lastly 5. you’ll never have to hide cleavage again!! But what do those things do for her now? how can I help her now? This helplessness is to me a sense of defeat, i may not win, but i never lose, how can I equip myself to be better for others?

I know we all know we are born and we die, and that what happens in the dash(-) is up to us. But what if we’ve had the life we’ve always wanted and when the time comes,the list isn’t completely checked off?

Is there solace in “best effort”, is anyone happy with 2nd place? or truly proud of their participation trophies?

Or when you wake up in the morning does the world say “oh crap! they’re up”?

Another friend has overcome illness, treachery, adversity and loneliness, all while being the happiest person i know, always. I have known her since I started kindergarten, only for her, the largest heart in Kansas to have her joy taken?

I know people say god doesn’t give us more than we can handle, ok, that’s good for them, but i want to be a good person, a strong person, a successful person and a helpful person, but how can I do that when there are times I can’t find my car keys?

It seems to me I’ve handled a lot, and am pretty well equipped to handle more, now. While others have had to work hard and deal with pain that I’ve never been forced to contemplate.  Where in Barnes and Nobles do i find the section on “how to make it all better”?

I just want so much for those i know and love to be able to wake up every morning and know they are tired, that yes work will suck, the weights in the gym aren’t going to move themselves and yet through it all know that regardless of all that, this life has been awesome!!

Would i trade places with them, no. I know my adversities have been tailored to me, as have theirs, does that make it any easier to look at them and say “i’m sorry, how can i help? what can i do to make this less for you?”

Never forget your Inner Ninja friends–j